Denial. 

When we finally received our diagnosis, I was in disbelief. There was no way it was accurate. Especially after looking into what Grin2b was, I said there was no way that would be us. It couldn’t be us. Our little Lacey was going to grow up just fine. Sure, she was delayed but nothing like I was reading about online. 

Anger.

I was mad. Mad at myself. Mad at God. Why would he do this to us? Our little normal family turned completely inside out. What did we ever do to deserve something like this? We were good people, why were we being punished?      

Bargaining. 

I prayed every night. I’ve never prayed in my life. But I was begging, pleading, to please make sure that our daughter could lead a normal life. I would do anything to remedy the situation. 

Depression. 

But it was hard to keep my composure. I had plenty of days at work where I would have to leave early after it was very obvious I was crying in the bathroom. I couldn’t help it. I was devastated. Any time I would think about it, or her future and how she was going to be treated differently for her entire life.I would have to choke back tears. I had fears for our oldest daughter, and how she was going to be treated in school when kids found out about her sister. 

Acceptance.

And then one day, it finally struck me. Lacey wasn’t a burden. She was a gift. I finally realized that we weren’t being punished, but given to us for a purpose. To slow our lives down, to appreciate the little things, to teach us patience, and most importantly love. We were given such a beautiful, special child, because we could handle it. We could turn this into a positive. I now tell people about her diagnosis with pride, no longer fearing judgement. 

And every day she’s learning more. Mimicking our actions, trying to repeat sounds and words. Learning how things work. She loves turning the lights on and off, or pouring liquids back and forth into cups. Music is probably her favorite thing in the world, her favorite band is Paramore, and she makes it very clear shaking her head no when you put the wrong thing on. 

She still can’t talk yet, but me and mom can tell what she wants 9 out of 10 times with her actions or approximations. It still can be frustrating, because most of the time she doesn’t even know what she wants.  But when she repeats I love you as “wub you.” it melts my heart. 

But she still has her days. Days where she doesn’t know what she wants. Days she will just whine for hours. Days where she will scratch, pinch, and bite. But those days don’t get us down anymore. They have become few and far between. 

She’s only 3 but I know now she has the potential to be and do anything.